The Real Reason You Struggle to Speak Up in Meetings
You find it hard to speak up in big groups. Multiple times a week you join a meeting determined to say something – but often you don't. You sit there second-guessing yourself, wondering if what you've got to say is good enough to share (especially when senior people are in the room).
Even when you know your piece is worth vocalising, it’s difficult to jump into fast-moving conversations. You often feel like you missed your chance to contribute and the conversation moved on. Later, you beat yourself up for not saying more.
I hear stories like this from clients all the time; it’s a near-universal experience for introverts (I’ve experienced it myself). It’s a classic example of what happens when you’re a quiet, reflective person doing your best to operate in a workplace built for extraverts – who love to talk and think out loud.
Jayne was scared to speak for fear of being judged ‘unintelligent’. She worried that she sounded silly, and that she couldn't speak as clearly as others in the room.
Now, Jayne's found her voice and is comfortable raising points in meetings she’d previously stay quiet in. She didn’t need to learn new techniques – what made the difference was changing the way she thinks.
Experiences like Jayne's are precisely why I’ve included a module on finding your voice in my programme, Rise.
You think the problem is that your idea isn’t good enough to share. What’s actually stopping you from speaking is your assumption that your idea must be fully-formed before it leaves your head.
Extraverts share half-arsed thoughts all the time. That’s because they think out loud – they figure it out as they talk, by batting ideas around with others.
Most meetings are set up to favour this extraverted way of being – the expectation is that people will jump in and bounce off each other. Whereas what you need to thrive is good facilitation that enables turn-taking, plus space to listen and reflect before articulating your thoughts.
You sit in meetings wishing the big talkers would get to the point and stop the verbal diarrhoea. But that's their process: thinking aloud, figuring things out as they go along. You do that too – but you do it silently, in your head. It only comes out of your mouth when you’ve fully thought it through.
Look, I would love to live in a world where extravert bias didn't exist. And I encourage clients to push back by asking for what they need to contribute more easily (if they’re comfortable doing that). But until utopia arrives, if you want to fulfil your potential and make the bigger impact you’re capable of, you’ll have to learn to navigate the world of work as it is.
So this is one of the few times you’ll hear me say, ‘be more extravert’ (generally that’s the opposite of what I stand for). Not because I think the extraverted way is better or something to aspire to (I don’t). Your introversion brings all sorts of benefits to the table and you don’t need to be someone you’re not. But we all need to flex out of our comfort zone sometimes. If you want to be heard, meetings are one of those times.
You do it by having the courage to share your half-arsed thoughts.
Remember, extraverts do it all the time. No one is going to judge you for it. In fact, people are more likely to judge you harshly for saying silent than they are for sharing something you’re not 100% sure about (‘Simon never has much to say, what’s he contributing to the team?’).
You can ask Google or ChatGPT for as many tools, tips and techniques as you like. But it’s shifting your mindset – changing your beliefs about when it’s safe to speak up – that is going to make the biggest difference.
Stop thinking: ‘It’s not good enough to share’.
Start thinking: ‘People share half-baked thoughts all the time – and so can I’.
When you do that, speaking up becomes so much easier. You’ll enjoy meetings more, be more confident expressing your ideas, and leave feeling you’ve made a good contribution.
If blurting out your thoughts still feels too uncomfortable, try using a disclaimer. Before you speak, preface your comments with something like:
‘I might change my mind when I’ve had a chance to think this through but what comes to mind right now is...’
By using a phrase like that (find words that feel natural to you) you’re signalling to colleagues that you’d prefer more time to think it through. But if they insist on asking for off-the-cuff thoughts, you’re willing to share.
Over to you
What assumptions might you be making that hold you back from speaking more often? How could you think differently? And will you try using a disclaimer next time you’re in a meeting?
Want more like this?
If you enjoyed this blog post and would like to read more on the topic, send an email with the word ‘VOICE’ to emma@emmataggart.co.uk and I’ll send you links to my other articles about speaking.